I want to try to stop worrying about things. I want become a person who just little bit calm down to face for fidgetiness. I want to make a wish as easily to make a hope. Do you know the different? There is no different. But yeah, it should be different.

Today is gloomy like yesterday was little bit gloomy, I make the wrong thing to make a good conclusion. Tommorow is just something that I called a hope, will be bright till the future maybe it will be make a wish. I don’t know what happening right now, I don’t want to know about what happened yesterday because it happened cause it was. I know that it will make readers difficult to read the meaning after.

But trust me on this one, that I just confused about why the past just discovered now on. Why someone or something that coming from the past doesn’t want you become something in the future? Even it’s your inner child. Perhaps it just built by the bad accident, but it still you’re the part of body and life. Why it is become so cruel with you are kind?

I always make a bad reality. And the results become a truly bad. I don’t feel that I will make it better. Every second that I want to make it change, I will always arguing all of those things in my head and it will be blast after minute later. I got the trauma, and for me it is not easy to moving on and going through this alone. But I need people around me to stop judging me and acted like they knowing at all, but they are not knowing at all. The past is still haunting me. People around me also do that to me. They become a light that hurting myself after it burn with a fire that coming from my past.

Someone comes into my life and then he said “Hello” for the first time, with the best smile he ever had, he show me of the cutest ever of his greetings. Since that time, I love people who always say hello and showing their best smile to me. I don’t think about something else, like it maybe the best smile but it also become a best requested ever. And the truth is the daily request that show onto me. I can’t say anthing but yes. And it makes me drowning with their wishes list. I can’t say no once again. And it turning me into 4 years ago, that build me become now. Become a people pleaser. My inner child call out by my name again.

Today is make me sick. I don’t understand why people look at me like that. They are like underestimate me. But actually I don’t know what actually their mind and it is true the signal that I caught up from their eyes. I don’t have enough self esteem like others have. They are very confident with the black dress and purple lips tint also the rainbow eyelashes. But I cant do that. Even I’m not gonna do that, I will not enough confident with my self and others that I fit in. I just want to screaming right now that I’m tried at this time.

Hopeless and useless are two things that very representated me. And I’m always swearing my self about the failness. I want to take a rest just want a deep breathe and make my periode of burn ends. You don’t know how to fight with your mindself, you don’t even don’t want to kill them and make your mind without voices again. Because you feel alone. But I just don’t want feeling hurts for everyday in my entire life with this fucking drama.

I just tired to knocing door by door, I have been losing my another voice, this is my last breathe and this is the last step that I want to walk in within storm. If you are in the same boat with me, please don’t setting your look about something like me. You need to set your life free. You don’t need feeling your life as in a jail, because you don’t. Please act like your are free, because that’s you for forever. You’ve power mental struggle, and I hope that you come in and reads as a problem solver for yourself to free me or another who struggle the same thing. We tell our stories, we share the problem, we need to another listen to us, but don’t try to looking up the answer for another, but finding the answer by yourself. The key always click on you, because you are also the door.